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Being a buddy is a wonderful opportunity to help your friends. It is a very growth-enhancing experience for people to see themselves through other people's eyes, yet most people rarely have that experience. Your friends are the lucky ones! Be assured, the time you spend giving feedback to your friends is a most precious gift.
Here are three tips to help you give feedback that will be most useful and appreciated:
1. Be honest. Don't be reluctant to say what you really feel about the situation. Remember, great minds think alike! All of God's children share similar values, which have been installed in our minds and hearts by our Creator. For example, no one feels good about hurting others. And everyone loves to make others happy. Just so, we all agree in a deep and basic sense about how things feel and what is right and wrong.
If you have critical feedback about an incident, your friend will not honestly be surprised. They surely know something about what they did needed improvement, and they will be glad to receive your suggestions. If you have praise for what they did, that is just as important. It is great to know when others are pleased. That is truly a Divine stamp of approval, since our innermost standards come directly from God. Giving feedback is a blessed opportunity to give God's stamp of approval to others!
2. Be bridging first. Especially when you have criticism for your friends, say something bridging and empathetic first. Nothing is all black, or all white, so it is misleading to paint a one-sided picture. And, especially when you have criticism to share with someone, it will lift their spirits and help them be more receptive to the critical insight if you start by telling the other person something heartening first; for example, praise for the part they did well, or that you understand their challenges, or that you have had the same problems yourself.
3. Stay away from dogma. In addition to saying what you feel, it is often helpful to quote spiritual truth. If you feel moved to do so, try to share the wisdom of spiritual truth without being dogmatic. Dogma tends to be too narrow, and too impersonal.
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